I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize