I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize