Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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