life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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