Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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