Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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