I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
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Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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