mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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