OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
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He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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