I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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