i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
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its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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