Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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