there was a trapeze. enough said
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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