Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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