I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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