just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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