i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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