He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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