Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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