I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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