she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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