Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
two words...techno handjob
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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