im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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