By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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