no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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