is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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