listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
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I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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