New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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