dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
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I wish life had little blips of pornography
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
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I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
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