The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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