...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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