I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
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im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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