can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
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his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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