The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
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Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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