Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  did you get engaged???

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  (248): did you get engaged??? http://tfl.nu/bgu9
  Replies (15) Good night (957) Bad night (2179) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"

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  (646): A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!" http://tfl.nu/psh2
  Replies (10) Good night (1753) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.

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  (917): I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer. http://tfl.nu/px5x
  Replies (1) Good night (559) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  rhymes with "ouble enetration"

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  (323): rhymes with "ouble enetration" http://tfl.nu/bg50
  Replies (33) Good night (3841) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.

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  (740): she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/zgkj
  Replies (33) Good night (8976) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks

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  (918): they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks http://tfl.nu/5j5t
  Replies (27) Good night (1094) Bad night (6954) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  This is why you shouldn't make decisions

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  (978): You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing (860): So? (978): This is why you shouldn't make decisions http://tfl.nu/yiev
  Replies (4) Good night (3373) Bad night (721)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.

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  (954): Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it. http://tfl.nu/slzd
  Replies (19) Good night (1463) Bad night (3763) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.

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  (334): Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram. http://tfl.nu/7u9p
  Replies (2) Good night (1552) Bad night (651)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both

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  (928): Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both http://tfl.nu/0ibg
  Replies (2) Good night (1288) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.

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  (416): i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay. http://tfl.nu/0u7w
  Replies (19) Good night (3325) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.

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  (720): Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/6vuz
  Replies (6) Good night (3042) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now

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  (541): It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now http://tfl.nu/avxl
  Replies (7) Good night (783) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  That is like, the point of shorts

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  (414): Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard. (1-414): That is like, the point of shorts http://tfl.nu/qcbf
  Replies (5) Good night (1286) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.

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  (720): Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress. http://tfl.nu/3c0t
  Replies (4) Good night (1312) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt

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