: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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