Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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