Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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