someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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