How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
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Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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