and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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