Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize