please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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