I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So squirting runs in the family.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize