you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize