Got a toothbrush?
I faked an abortion last night.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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