Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize