I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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