there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
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we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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