please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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